Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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