I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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