Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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