She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
