i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
