Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
