I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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