This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
