how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Someone signed my nipple.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
