Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
