Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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