I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
