Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
