I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
