are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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