moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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