I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
