i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
