cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
