I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
