then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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