Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
