Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
