it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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