I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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