We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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