Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
