You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
