Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
