i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
