You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize