whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
