we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
