he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
