just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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