things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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