I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
