My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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