The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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