I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
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