My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
