Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize