Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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