my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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