allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
