Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My vagina is officially offended.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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