apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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