hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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