Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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