Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
