you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
