so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize