is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
