I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
