i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
