She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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