Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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