but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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