Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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