dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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