she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
