I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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