Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize