I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need water and some morals
Randomize
