I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
