I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize