he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
