i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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