i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
