Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
