Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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