After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
