Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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