you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i believe in u and ur pee
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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