Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
