update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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