What did we do last night that was yellow?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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