if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
