So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
