He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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