dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
