1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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