whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
