Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
